


Begin Again

by Dzuljeta



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dimension Travel, Episode Fix-It: s04e13 Journey's End, Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Leaving? What Leaving?, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Revelations, Romance, Sexual Content, Telepathy, Time Lady Rose, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dzuljeta/pseuds/Dzuljeta
Summary: Rose Tyler knows the Doctor's plan to leave her with his meta-crisis self could only cause pain on both sides. Surely, some innocent acting could not hurt... (It does.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BBC owns everything.
> 
> (The perhaps slightly deceiving story title does _not_ mean this is a rewrite of episodes from _Journey's End_ onwards.)

**Begin Again**

**1.  
**

This once, Rose simply could not leave it. The Doctor kept flirting with her more than ever, touching and hugging her more than ever... It even looked like he-

But it was likely that was just an illusion. The kiss she has given the half-human Doctor has been an action of a momentary impulse. A chance to show him a change in her that her Doctor has refused to acknowledge, for whichever reason. _You know I will sooner try to kill myself than live with someone else, Doctor._

The shock on the meta-crisis Doctor’s face was priceless, his hands falling to his sides.

 _Sorry!_ The girl eyed him apologetically. _None of this was ever supposed to happen. Not like this._

The Doctor was never supposed to double himself. Her life was never supposed to become this complicated! The one she loved was never supposed to abandon her, without as much as an explanation…

Yet there she was, soon to be left all on her own again. Unless…

* * *

 

 Rose took a deep breath, fully aware this was now or never. Her struck off idea could either work or not, but she was ready to risk everything.

“Doctor!”

The meta-crisis Doctor turned to face her at the same time the Time Lord did.

“You're such a, such a-” _Coward._ Before the Doctors registered that Rose has used telepathy to send them – the alien Time Lord in particular, it was clear to both of them – this one desperate word, she fainted.

Hitting her head to a sharp stone was never her intention, however.

“Looks like we're both staying," the Doctor in blue said, watching the dread in the other Doctor's eyes. Leaving them was out of the question all of a sudden. If anything, he needed to know from where his pink and yellow human has learnt to employ telepathic communication. He could always leave her with his human self afterwards, no matter what his mind and hearts kept telling him.

The meta-crisis Doctor shook his head, backing away. He was ready for the spectacle that was about to begin in front of him. As painful as it was, Rose was never his. The Time Lady Rose – even less so. He knew it as well as the Time Lord did – Torchwood only meant trouble. Having been forced to spend this much time in the more or less _alien_ environment, particularly having one goal in mind above all must have had the side effect no-one would have thought possible. The Captain, maybe. Yes, he needed to talk to Jack at once!

“Rose,” the Doctor whispered. “I can’t leave you, not until I know you’re going to be fine!” He grabbed her hand. “Stay strong, for me! For all the people you have saved in Pete’s World, all right?”

Rose was not answering.

The half-human Doctor, looking both shocked and thoughtful after what the immortal human told him, approached the one now deeply concerned about the girl’s well-being.

“Are you _sure_ you must leave?” He asked, shaking his head. “You acted as if I were your only choice. Try asking _her_ opinion about that,” the Doctor in blue suggested.

“I _know_ her opinion,” he spoke dryly. After seeing Rose giving the other him such a snog, he honestly believed he did.

“Oh? And I know yours,” the meta-crisis Doctor countered. “Leaving Rose, the one who has sacrificed so much only to find you again? The very same Rose for whom you are ready to sacrifice everything you hold dear? Trust me, Doctor, I _know_ you,” he winked at him.

The Time Lord glared at his other self. Having conversations like these could _never_ end well.

“Besides,” the Doctor in blue sighed meaningfully at him, “should you not take Rose back to the TARDIS? Just in case you have missed it while speaking some meaningless nonsense to her, she is hurt!”

The other Doctor eyed his meta-crisis self with open mistrust, but took Rose on board the TARDIS anyway.

The one knowing the alien like the back of his hand was not finished. “Oh! I know, you cannot allow yourself to do it, because she is _my_ responsibility now?” His intended harshness worked out quite well.

“I was hoping she would be,” the alien sighed. “But, considering just how flawed you have turned out to be, I’d rather keep taking care of her to myself, thank you.”

* * *

 

Realising Rose Tyler was slowly waking up, the Time Lord freaked out and was gone out of sight just before she opened her eyes.

Having blinked the remainder of her post-traumatic weariness away, Rose smiled sadly at the Doctor, his blue suit only confirming her assumptions.

“What have I done wrong? Is this the end?”

"The Doctor's still here, Rose,” he assured the girl tenderly.

“But he doesn't care,” she was quick to stop her unwelcome tears from falling. “He wouldn’t believe me, even if I told him!”

The Doctor beside her shrugged hopelessly.

“It’s ridiculous, don’t you think? Doctor? I love him, only him, and he doesn’t care!”

“I know,” he pressed her hand encouragingly. “I know it seems like that to you, but he cares. He loves you, I know that.”

With that soothing note, the TARDIS has allowed her golden girl to fall asleep again, frustrating both of the Doctors alike.

* * *

 

The next time Rose woke up, everything seemed even more complicated. Her Doctor was nowhere to be seen.

“I remember things more vividly now, yeah?” Rose blinked at the Doctor _supposed_ to be hers. “Is _he_ still here? I- I feel confused. A Time Lady isn’t supposed to be confused, yes?”

“You have been out for _days_ , Rose! It’s only understandable.”

She tried to consider the information. “Is the Doctor here?” Rose has only repeated her question instead. Everything else could wait.

“Do you _really_ think he would leave you? I was hardly ever allowed to stay alone with you, Rose!”

The Doctor, _her_ Doctor, entered the room then.

“Because she's my responsibility,” the Doctor in brown spoke emotionally.

The recognisable surroundings of her room on the ship has seemingly given Rose the necessary brashness.

“Am I your responsibility right until you leave me to him? Because it doesn't work that way!” She could not hide her frustration.

Stunned, the Gallifreyan could only muster a “How are you, Rose?” for a reply. How could he even think about leaving her?

“Is this where our story must end?” Rose jumped off the bed, now standing right in front of him. “Is this how you want it, _Doctor_? She was growing desperate.

“Rose. How do you- The telepathy, it can be a hard thing to master!”

 _I_ am _telepathic, all right. Thanks to you._

 _How?_ The Time Lord was overtaken with vague memories of their travels to all sorts of places, but nothing in particular stood out.

Rose Tyler, the jeopardy-friendly once-human, has long learnt some things could not be avoided and were better not to be.

She took both of his hands and placed them onto her chest. “ _Must_ it end? Really?”

The other Doctor stayed quiet, almost content it took Rose herself to settle the matter. Ever since he has learnt her secret, everything seemed to be just a little bit clearer.

Rose's Doctor, on the other hand, was suddenly looking on the point of fainting himself.

“Why haven't you _told_ me?!”

Rose was expecting for something like this. “You were looking so happy to see me, I thought...” _Thought I would. Thought you’d notice._

“When did this happen?”

“Earlier. Then, when you told me you are leaving me behind, I was too-” _I was hurt. My feelings, my heart- hearts, it felt like- Betrayal. Abandonment. I thought- thought it was over between us._

The Time Lord has barely managed not to pull her into a soothing embrace. Then, it hit him. “Wait, I have never _told_ you anything about leaving!”

“Not in person, no! Not out loud.”

The understanding struck the Doctor then. “What about this other me?” His voice was small and covered in shame.

“Don’t worry about me," the half-human Doctor shrugged. "Donna Noble refuses to let go of me. Says I keep worrying her. Suppose I could do with some trips to Spain, eh?”

Rose smiled, relieved. “Does she know you are not-”

“You bet!” Donna entered the room, a wide grin on her face. “Are you ready for a trip only humans can organise?”

The meta-crisis Doctor smiled at the Doctor and Rose. “I’ll be fine,” he assured them.

“If you two are not a _proper_ couple by the time we return, there will be consequences!” Donna warned them, before grabbing the half-human Doctor’s hand and pulling him out of the TARDIS.

The Doctor exhaled. “I wonder what she meant.”

Rose rolled her eyes at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Previously...**

“ _If you two are not a_ _proper_ _couple by the time we return, there will be consequences!” Donna warned them, before grabbing the half-human Doctor’s hand and pulling him out of the TARDIS._

_The Doctor exhaled. “I wonder what she meant.”_

_Rose rolled her eyes at him._

* * *

 

**Begin Again**

**2.**

“What did Donna mean, I wonder,” she mumbled to herself mockingly. It was not unusual for the Doctor to get this impassive occasionally, but it was a good enough reason for Rose to avoid talking to him.

The silence was nothing like the pleasant, peaceful moments spent in silence together they were used to, often after an adventure. Now, it felt like every second lasted for hours. The Time Lord understood leaving Rose on her own would be a very bad idea. But so was the heavy silence falling upon them.

“Er. Would you like to do anything in particular, Rose?”

Rose has almost jumped up at his words, lost in her own thoughts about how the revelation was going to change their relationship and if there ever was a relationship between them to begin with.

She let out a long breath, waiting for her breathing to even. “Anything but this,” she shrugged.

The Doctor was almost expecting for Rose to be the first to address the complicated topics. However, all she did was sigh and avoid his gaze.

 _Rose. Maybe this is better?_ After all, the girl seemed pretty comfortable with using the communication some of the Time Lords, particularly the ones preferring to spend their entire existence in one place rather than enjoying the wonders of the universe thought almost exclusive to their race. He shook his head, unwilling to allow his memories take him over. There were things more important.

Rose froze. “I don't- don't think so.”

“But it _is_ easy for you to-?”

 _Yes!_ “Now, please stop.” Rose knew they needed to talk first, and wanted to do it properly.

“Of course.” The Doctor was suddenly beginning to feel incredibly uncomfortable. The guilt, a different kind of it than the one of the Last Great Time War, one supposed to stay with him for his entire endless existence, has reminded him of itself.

“Answer me one thing,” Rose asked. “Am I _this_ useless? You have almost left me behind. Willingly. Why?”

She understood her wording or her tone was much too harsh, but it was already too late to stop.

It took the Doctor some long seconds to think of a reply, but only the very basic one has left his lips. “I thought you would be happy with this other me.”

“Have you even thought of _asking_ me?” Rose's voice was as emotionless as she could manage to make it sound.

“Have you even thought of _telling_ me?” He countered. Anything felt better than being reminded of what he has _almost_ done.

The conversation was going nowhere, that much was obvious. But, before it could start going downhill, the Time Lord peered at Rose. “What about your head? You seemed to have hit it heavily, dear...”

She was relieved about the change of topic. “I don't feel any pain. Isn't quick healing the way of Time Lords?”

The Doctor's eyes sparkled in expectation. “I might need to run some tests on you, Rose. Just to be sure?”

Rose shook her head. While she would allow him to do what he thought was best for her most of the time, too many things were different. Too many questions were left unanswered. She was no longer sure about where they stood, and the uncertainty of what was supposed to only improve between them was hurting her. Truly, physically _hurting_ her. Why has no-one ever informed her about this side-effect being possible to happen?

She could not control a wince. What has once felt like a barely noticeable awkwardness in her mind, like a thing one was craving to remember but never did, has grown immensely. It felt as if a part of her mind had been torn away, only leaving a fresh, pulsating wound in its place.

“Not now.”

The Doctor was unpleasantly surprised, as used to her denying his requests as he might have become. “When?”

Rose realised the alien had no idea of the trouble she was facing, but he has been the only one who could explain the sensation to her. But changing her mind every other second felt foolish.

The Doctor sighed heavily. It was unusual for his fair companion to avoid answering his questions.

“It's not that I can read your mind, love.” _Not if, not until -_ “Do you want to keep something to yourself?”

“If I only could,” she grimaced. A whimper escaped her lips.

The Doctor panicked. All of a sudden, a question so familiar to his previous self has entered his mind. Has this been _his_ fault? _Rose!_

He was convincing himself she did _not_ look any different. It must have only been an illusion. However, the Time Lord was thankful the TARDIS has moved the infirmary next door.

Rose has only shaken her head at the Doctor, not even surprised it took him so much time to catch up with her situation. Even if he used to be the first one to identify every change within her, with or without her requesting it. She was no longer like he knew her.

The change within his once-human companion has hit the Doctor hard, that much was obvious. The way her body and mind have reacted to his proximity was astonishing and, if he was being honest, more than terrifying.

Telepathy was the somewhat quicker way to communicate with both his Rose and the TARDIS, and he was not wasting another second, no matter what the girl has said.

_Rose. Do you know what is happening to you?_

Because _he_ did. Apparently, judging from the hand now covering Rose's mouth, she did, too. That was the thing about shared telepathy.

Rose could only stare in front of her, her mouth agape. This was never supposed to happen so soon! Not this way! What about some flirting, some playing around, living together first?

The Doctor's look was enough to remind her that they have been doing all of these things, constantly. _Are you ready?_

Rose was dazed. Just how many _days_ was she out cold? How many things has she missed? There were many things to be considered, too many words which needed to be said, but all she could do was nod.

If he had to enter her mind to stop the pain, she was not going to complain.

_Be quick._

The Doctor stalled. _I need your full agreement, Rose. Entering the mind of another Time Lord is simple, but when we are- when we share something-_

The girl was hoping, expecting he would say something that would confirm of what she has been sure all along...

All he did was take her hand.

Her encouraging look did _not_ have the desired effect. The Doctor smiled at her and entered her mind as tenderly as he could. Or as little of it as he was _allowed_ to reach.

If the Time Lord was being honest, he has never expected to not be allowed past the protective shields of her mind. No, it was more than that – he was shocked. Staying inside her pure, untarnished mind – for that was how it felt when compared to his – was not an option.

_Please, Rose. Let down your walls. For your own sake._

She _could_ do it, but didn't. Not right away. _Why is this happening to me?_

_The TARDIS must have given you an idea, Rose._

That alien... _No._ You _tell me._

He sighed. _The feelings must be returned._

The Time Lord's words have almost made her hearts break. _What feelings? Whose?_

The Doctor could not say what has made him to send her these exact words. Feelings. What was he thinking? _Forgive me. The wording was stupid._

Rose backed away from him. “No! It has actually answered many questions. I'm sure the TARDIS would be able to help me with easing the pain.”

 _That_ was how a heartbreak was supposed to feel, she was sure.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry. :( It won't get worse than this, I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

****Previously...** **

_Rose backed away from him._

_“No! It has actually answered many questions. I'm sure the TARDIS would be able to help me with easing the pain.”_

_ That was how a heartbreak was supposed to feel, she was sure. _

 

**Begin Again**

 

 

**3.**

 

 

The Doctor paled.  _You don't understand!_

“I believe I do,” she spoke dryly. “Once you have realised I have no-one else to turn to, you have suddenly become _something_.”

“Something? Don't you mean _someone_ , love?”

Rose winced at the way the Time Lord insisted upon using _that_ epithet, but said nothing, thinking better of it. If the inexplicable sensation inside her kept growing at this rate, she would have no choice but to trust him.

“Stop it. Just stop.” She understood full well that turning down his well-meant wish to help would only complicate their situation further. But allowing the Doctor to see inside her mind, with all the things she has been working so hard to hide away, _especially_ from him...

_Allow me to explain._

The Doctor's persistence in using telepathy was admirable, and her wish to fight it was weakening together with each time a wave of the inexplicable pain has hit her.

Rose nodded at him tiredly. “Go-” _Go ahead._

The Time Lord smiled at her softly. _The process is almost complete. Your mind has only needed someone to take as an example. Had you not come to me at all, you would have become a new species, something like a Time Lord 0.5. Neither your human nor your Time Lady side would have been fully gone-_

 _Sounds like a severe case of schizophrenia to me,_ Rose breathed out, terrified.

“Not in Pete's World. You would have been thought of as a strange, eccentric person. That's all.”

She remembered herself with another pang of sharp pain in the right side of her chest. _That's not what I wanted explained, Doctor. You, you told me I didn't understand, so explain..._

“Rose, I- I-”

She looked at him encouragingly. “Use the bloody telepathy, if it helps, Doctor.” Hell, _she_ was suddenly into using this!

_All right. I don't usually-_

A tender smile has enlightened her features.  _I'd like to tell you we have all the time in the world, but-_

_You need to make the pain stop. Yes. Do you know I have never met someone quite like you, Rose?_

She nodded, impatient. If the Doctor was going to delay for much longer-

“I don't need an introductory speech. Just a clear answer.”

_Fine!_

The girl's unease did nothing to take his own distress away.  _I am willing to give you everything in my power to make you happy, Rose._

She grinned, then shrugged at him, knowing exactly what was necessary for her. _Do you want me to help you?_

_What?_

“If you feel something for me, _tell_ me. Love, friendship, hatred, whatever feeling it is – I need a simple answer, before-” _Before my unsure mind decides it for me._ Rose shuddered.

 _Nothing bad is going to happen to you._ _We are here, together. Just you and I._

The young Time Lady bit her lip. Maybe it was just the Doctor's problem. Maybe he needed some sort of an encouragement? The pain was not going away, and it was only a matter of time now.

_If I allow you inside my mind, properly, will you-_

He exhaled, knowing just how much it must be taking from Rose for her to change her mind so abruptly. Just how bothersome the unnecessary pain must have become for her.

For that was what it has been – unnecessary. All he has needed to do was-

 _I will try to be as gentle as I can, love_ , the Doctor smiled at her softly, pushing her hand encouragingly.

This time, her mind was not protected half as fiercely. But some obstacles were still there.

_Rose. My love, why wouldn't you allow me in?_

The fair companion was feeling giddy, it felt as if the rules of gravitation were messed up.

_You still need to tell me what we are to each other. Don't hurry things this much, I can't possibly agree to form a bond with you until-_

The Doctor eyed Rose curiously. It seemed she was as puzzled about it all as her perturbed mind has been.

Tenderly, the Time Lord removed his hands from the girl's temples.

Rose seemed to be confused. _The pain, it's-_

“I _know_ it now. Know what you need.”

_I need the pain to go away, is this so much to ask?_ Rose was watching him blankly.

_I'll make it disappear, love. Anything for you._

* * *

 

“Rose Tyler. I love you. Be mine, forever?” It was actually much easier than the Doctor thought it would be.  


“Yes,” she exhaled. The pain was gone completely, just as expected.

“Look, I'm sorry about the _bond_ thing, Doctor, I wasn't myself!”

_You_ were _, Rose. The TARDIS might have helped me understand the seriousness of the situation, that's it._

The Gallifreyan could not help himself. “Are you willing to bond with me, Rose?”  _Would you grant me the favour?_

She sighed. “Let's talk about this tomorrow?”

“But, but-”

“Even Time Lords can get exhausted. I am knackered, yeah? I promise, we will talk about all of this tomorrow!”

The Doctor pouted like a three-year-old. “You don't mean you are going to sleep in your old room, Rose?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Do I have a _new_ one?”

“Well, er-”

“Exactly,” Rose giggled. “You could lead me into my room, if you want,” she eyed him understandingly.

Was she being serious?

He froze, unpleasantly surprised. “Well, what I had in mind was-”

The Time Lady shook her head. “I know. Surely, you could survive a night without me, Doctor?”

_But I love you!_ He has grown desperate.

_And I can't imagine another minute without you, Doctor. Starting with_ tomorrow _._

What was up with her?

Rose glared at him. “First of all, you try to give me away to someone else. Second, you keep dismissing my pain when you could have made it disappear in seconds. Third – could you _please_ kiss me goodnight?”

The Doctor blinked at her, puzzled. “Any time, love.”

The companion beamed at him. “You know, this has been the single thing I have been waiting for ever since-”

Oh, Rassilon. They haven't actually kissed, not once since she has returned. “I was expecting for a kiss after you have told me-"

“My bad, Rose! Your beauty has apparently blinded me and took away the remainder of my reason,” he admitted.

_A fool, that's what you are, Doctor!_ She giggled at him, pulling the Time Lord to herself and snogging him in the way she had been intending to for a long time. 

“What about the remainder of your reason now?”

“None,” the Gallifreyan breathed at her, pulling his Rose back to the embrace which seemed to have only become more welcoming and appealing to them both. The touches they shared, no matter how passionate or ordinary, they have suddenly become electrifying.

_I need you_ , he breathed into her.

_I know,_ Rose grinned.  _Need you, too._

“See you tomorrow,” she whispered, moving away from him. 

The Doctor shrugged to himself, delighted. Her touches were not something to be forgotten, and the love she has very kindly allowed him to see and experience was beyond compare.

* * *

 

Rose was only smiling to herself blissfully the entire time, knowing that in approximately two minutes she was going to receive a visitor inside her chamber.

“Right! Rose! It's midnight, so-” The Doctor's excited voice could be heard echoing inside the TARDIS.

“Missed me, I hope?”

“You wish,” she teased him, grinning. Then, his eyes travelled down her changed clothes.

“You _have_ been waiting for me,” the Doctor deduced excitedly, his eyes sparkling.

“Yes. I haven't slept a wink, just so you know in case I fall asleep in the middle of our conversation!”

“I'm sure it won't be necessary, love. The TARDIS must have already brought a change of clothes from your old room for you,” he winked at her. “If only she loved me half as much as she loves you...”

Rose let go of his hand the moment they were in his, or, possibly, _their_ room, letting out a long breath, her eyes wide.

“I-”

If there was anything Rose Tyler might have expected, this certainly _wasn't_ it.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Previously...**

 

_Rose let go of his hand the moment they were in his, or, possibly, their room, letting out a long breath, her eyes wide._

 

“ _I-”_

 

 _If there was anything Rose Tyler might have expected, this certainly_ wasn't _it._

* * *

 

 

**Begin Again**

**4.**

 

She backed away, all of her strength leaving her at the sight.

“Why?” Rose managed at last, looking at the Doctor accusingly.

The Doctor saw the shock on her face and has realised his mistake at once.

_I can't believe this._

The Doctor has recreated the atmosphere of her room back at Jackie's, inside the original London flat, up to even the tiniest of details.

 

Rose understood it must have taken a lot of time and resources from the Doctor to have gone to such lengths of precision...

She cleared her throat. “I could never have imagined you would recreate it all so precisely! It's impossible for anyone to remember-”

The Doctor began carefully. “ _Close_ to impossible, perhaps. I admit, I might have overdone it with Jackie's perfume.” The perfume the strong scent of which could be felt inside the entire flat.

“I... I don't understand! You can't have spent that much time inside my room to-”

“I have cherished every moment I have spent with you there. _Everything_ is saved in my memory, love.”

Rose has finally allowed her tense shoulders fall down. “You mean you haven't been keeping it all inside your head for... stalking purposes? It's only because you are forced to keep everything inside your mind?” If she was being honest with herself, that didn't sound anywhere as appealing as she thought it would.

The Time Lord eyed her curiously. “I can _choose_ which memories to keep. Sometimes, I might need to delete them, for my own safety.”

Rose blinked at him. “Even memories of me?”

“My mind can only delete the memories which could be harmful to me or to someone important to me, love. Even the beach in Norway, it has only widened our-”

She gaped at him, unsure how to react. The Doctor, one supposed to understand the amount of incomparable sorrow the farewell has given them both, he-

“You could have found a more pleasant topic to touch upon, Doctor.” Rose has chosen to forgo the fact seeing her chamber in front of her has only reminded her of losing her mother for good, first of all.

“I could redecorate our room however you'd like,” he suggested.

She looked at him honestly. “If you like it the way it is, it's perfectly fine with me, Doctor.”

The Doctor grabbed her by the hand. “It hasn't looked that way to me, Rose. If it makes you uncomfortable, if _anything_ makes you uncomfortable-”

 

Rose has wrapped her arms around the Doctor instead. _I have missed you so much,_ she breathed into him, suddenly allowing herself to finally make her unmasked new nature visible to him. _If you'd left me on the bloody Bad Wolf Bay again, I'd have died._

The Doctor has pulled her to himself, painfully realising she was being completely honest with him.

 _I don't know if I would have survived having made the greatest mistake in my life,_ he admitted to her.

 _I know,_ she smiled at him sweetly, recognising the feelings burning inside him. The passionate snog that followed was only to be expected.

The breathless laughter that followed has made the Doctor regain some of his common sense.

“Am I allowed to know what's so funny?”

“The Doctor and Donna. What are we going to do, if they come up on us?”

The Time Lord has looked at her wryly. “We'd persuade them to travel elsewhere.”

“But they would _know!_ ”

He shrugged. “The Doctor needs a friend. Donna needs a companion. Or the other way around,” he smirked. “They both love travelling. I don't think they'd return to us any time soon, trust me, Rose. Besides, Donna _adores_ Spain.”

She shook her head to herself. “I don't know Donna very well, but I know people. If she's going to tell him they needed to check up on us, we could expect them any time. ”

“True,” he nodded at her. The Time Lord knew himself. Himself, with the help of Donna Noble, could have meant anything.

“Then again,” Rose reasoned, “maybe they would give us some time to get used to each other?”

The one-syllabled word has escaped their lips at the very same time.

“No!”

“While we're still alone, shouldn't we-” The Doctor began uncomfortably.

Rose gaped at him, eyeing him gravely, her voice low. “Is this the best you can do?”

_What do you mean?_

The Time Lady grinned at him. “Use your spectacular Time Lord mathematical skills, silly. The fastest they could get here from Spain, assuming they _have_ gone to Spain, would mean hours at the very least. Days.”

The Doctor imagined to have known what was on Rose's mind.

“We can always try to contact them to be sure,” he assured her.

Rose shook her head. _I don't want for it to become a planned holiday for us. Where we are only safe to be together when we're alone._

The Doctor has sent her his blinding grin. Whenever Rose Tyler was using the telepathic communication without being asked to, it has reminded him just how precious this woman was to him. How happy he was to have met her... How many chances to declare his feelings for her have been missed. _Which is why us forming a telepathic bond is absolutely necessary for us, love._

Rose inhaled. “Would that mean us no longer having any secrets from each other?”

“Only if you chose to, Rose. It's actually unbelievably easy to close your mind off from intruders.”

_Even if it's from you, Doctor?_

The Gallifreyan smiled at her wryly. “If my mind ever feels like a threat to you, then of course. But it's against my deepest morals to ever attempt to enter your mind without permission.”

_If we... I mean, when we form the bond, is it-_

Rose's unfaltering curiosity has only made the Time Lord's grin widen. “Will it hurt? No.” _You have already gone through the transformation._

She shuddered, remembering. _You weren't there. During the time I have needed your support most, during all the times I thought-_

“Had I known, I would have found a way to get to you!” _I would never have left you. Never._

Rose gulped, not wishing to remember any of the painfully recent occurences. _Hold me. I must feel you close to me. Must feel your deepest senses around me..._

The Doctor has welcomed her monologue quietly. If this meant her body and mind were craving for him so soon-

 _That's not soon,_ the TARDIS reminded him. _That's almost too late._

Had the Time Lord decided to leave Rose with his meta-crisis self, many timelines would have rewritten themselves... At least two lives would have been doomed to unimaginable sorrow.

“If you want, we could-” The Doctor's discomfort was audible. He has long since forgotten how unimaginably terrifying offering someone to form an everlasting connection with him could be, even if he has mostly remembered those from books.

 _Whatever it is, I want it with you,_ Rose said simply. She did not abandon her life, her mother, her brother, her step-father without a reason. The only reason which has kept her going through everything.

The Doctor understood what she was having in mind.

 _Come, Rose. I am here to give you my everything. My past, my present, my future. I am willing to bond our lives together, right from this very moment. My mind is open to you. My secrets are yours. My hearts are yours. My body is yours_.

 

All Rose could do was breathe and nod, overtaken with the understanding of the deep incomparable sensation of utter devotion they were both willingly getting themselves into.

All of a sudden, the painfully familiar layout and colour sceme of the room has meant absolutely nothing.

 _I am yours. Have always been yours,_ Rose breathed into him in return, her wide darkened eyes looking for any sort of confirmation in his.

The Doctor grinned at her. “That's more than I could ever hope from you, love,” he said. “Inside this rushed situation,” he clarified, kissing her.

 _Would you have preferred it slow? The complete ceremony? With... ribbons?_ Rose eyed him curiously, her mind suddenly filled with examples of how the full bonding ceremony was supposed to be.

 

The Time Lord has only shrugged at her at that, amused. _We have just promised everything to each other, and all you're worried about is ribbons, Rose?  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> World Cup has begun! <3 I intend to see as many matches as humanly possible, so my story updates are likely going to be less frequent for a month or so. :(

**Previously...**

_The Time Lord has only shrugged at her at that, amused._ We have just promised everything to each other, and all you're worried about is ribbons, Rose?

* * *

 

 

**Begin Again**

 

**5.**

  


Rose blinked at him innocently. “N-not necessarily. That's what the TARDIS has shown me, s'all! Are you sure us cutting the ceremony down drastically isn't going to cause us some... trouble?”

The Doctor grinned at her. “Why would it? We're only a couple of young lovers only wishing to belong together as soon as possible!”

Rose was dubious. “Is this really so simple? Letting go of traditions, of-”

_Yep!_

_Okay,_ she could see no reason not to trust the Doctor.

“I'm fairly certain the old girl didn't mind you not wearing a traditional Gallifreyan wedding gown, either,” the Time Lord smiled at her cautiously. She hasn't shown any negative emotion while they were exchanging the essential vows, after all!

A displeased growl from the ship has negated that possibility.

“Or not,” he muttered sheepishly. “That is, if you're not against wearing a vermilion garment?

Rose shrugged. “If the old girl insists, who am I to object? But haven't we just performed the ceremony, shortened as it might have been?”

 _We have. But the bride wearing the gown does somehow imprint the sense of the newly-bonded couple truly belonging together,_ the Doctor explained, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Most of the long-forgotten traditions must truly feel alien to Rose.

She gave the Time Lord her tongue-touched grin. _Your previous self has always reminded me, not without some badly-hidden pride, that you_ were _an alien._

The Doctor sighed, feeling blush colour his cheeks. _I am not my previous self. And you have no reason to still treat me like an alien,_ he reminded. _My Rose. My Time Lady,_ he eyed her with admiration.

“I am not yours. Not yet,” she smiled at him slyly.

“Of course not,” he spoke seriously, only a sparkle in his eyes giving away his true feelings.

 

Another disturbing thought has hit the companion then. “By the time they return... I mean the Doctor and Donna- Don't you think we should have already-”

The Time Lord beamed at Rose, amused. _Is it what you want? Or is it what you think_ they _think should happen?_

The girl sighed, not having expected to be given such a question so openly.

Rose Tyler was suddenly feeling nowhere as positive about his excitement.“They are returning in a couple of days, possibly!”

“ _No sooner_ than in a couple of days,” the Doctor assured her. “This is exactly the point, love. We have more than enough time left for us to truly finish the bonding ceremony, he spoke seriously. _Come, love, let's pick you a dress?_ His excitement was infectuous.

 _And shag afterwards?_ Rose was feeling braver than ever, feeling that was one of the most logical conclusions of the bonding ceremony.

The Doctor bit his lip in order not to gasp in surprise.

 _If you want,_ he spoke cautiously. He couldn’t believe this was truly happening.

 _I do. I have always-_ Rose gulped, afraid she might have said too much already.

 _I want you,_ the Doctor assured her. _Want to have you, have always secretly dreamt about you waking up beside me every morning, our nightly activities to have tired us both down to the point where we couldn’t even think about showering or bathing afterwards-_

The Time Lord has only understood this might have sounded way too open for the young Time Lady after she hasn’t shown any sign of having heard him.

Before the Gallifreyan could begin apologising for his bluntness, a soft expectant sigh has left Rose’s lips. _Yes, please. My Doctor._

She shook her head a moment later, remembering herself. “You must find me a dress first. Whatever it is we need to do, let’s do it now,” Rose exhaled, trembling with excitement.

“You are the one going to wear the dress! It’s only natural you are the one getting to make this important choice, love!”

 _Thank you,_ she giggled. _But_ you _are the one getting me out of it, am I right?_ Rose teased, hopeful.

He beamed at her. _If you think that’s best!_

Rose exhaled. “Come. Pick me a dress of your choice, yeah?”

The Doctor shook his head. “Better ask the old girl.” He knew just how eager the TARDIS was to take part in wherever she could. What could be better than offering a wedding gown to a recently-turned Time Lady?

He didn’t imagine the effect his suggestion has had on the sentient vessel. A bright red dress has materialised beside Rose right away.

“Ooof,” Rose exhaled, not believing her eyes. The exquisite vermilion gown has been something incomparable. _Is this for me?_

The Doctor nodded at her. “I think the old girl has been saving this one just for you, waiting for this day for years,” he spoke with assurance.

Rose gaped at him, her mind filled with a lot of questions, none of which have been uttered out loud.

 _She has loved you, always. You are loving, kind and putting saving lives of others before saving yours more often than the majority of people would, love. It’s only natural she has always seen you as someone meant for me,_ the Time Lord assured her.

“Do you mean she’d have wanted me to stay with you, even if I have stayed human?”

“I’m certain of it,” he nodded. “Are you up for putting the dress on right away, or would you rather-”

“I’d rather you helped me to put this on,” she giggled, excited. “I’m afraid my clumsy self would tear this garment up by accident.”

“Do you know what you are asking of me, Rose?” The Doctor spoke lowly. “Do you know what this means? All this unexpected accidental touching might make me lose control and-”

 _Trust me, I know. I am counting on it,_ Rose breathed into him longingly. _My Doctor._

The Time Lord has managed to control himself just fine, constantly reminding himself his race has been above giving in to these tiny desires, only kissing her sweetly a couple of times during the process.

Rose was astonished, coming to see the final result in the mirror afterwards.

_Oh, my God. There’s no surprise it has taken you so long to make me look so- so-_

“Is _breathtakingly beautiful_ the words you’re looking for?”

Rose has muttered the words into his ear instead.

 


End file.
